Technology and Toilets
Monday February 11, 2008
I can’t be the only one on this strange planet that finds some technology utterly bewildering, to the point of where even trying to pronounce the name of it causes my brain to wobble violently inside my skull.
I only have to look at the Internet for an example of brain-wobbliness. Many people with large beards and even larger brains have tried to explain to me how it works many a time, but my own pathetically small in comparison brain just doesn’t let me take the facts in.
The beards tell me it’s built on tubes, kind of like a very well plumbed toilet. Or to put it more accurately: if a toilet was plumbed in by Steven Hawkins then that would be a basic blueprint of what the Internet looks like. As ludicrous as it may sound, maybe that is how the Internet started. Somebody decided to get creative with the toilet one day, and the Internet was born. After all, many of my own amazing ideas come to me whilst I get creative on the toilet.
Indeed, it wouldn’t be a surprise if all great ideas spawned their seed on the toilet. The stories of how ideas were discovered are always a bit too convenient for my liking; doesn’t it sound a lot more accurate that Newton figured out how things dropped out of the sky whilst he was dropping his very own battleship on his ivory throne? Or that Einstein worked out that relativity thingymabobby because he had nothing better to do whilst he sat on the toilet wondering why things dropped downwards?
If people once believed that the world was essentially one very large flat carpet then my theory must at least carry a bit of weight somewhere on this planet. My theory would explain so much about all sorts of facts you never really wanted to know about, and I bet there’s a direct correlation between how many great ideas you have and how often you visit the crapper.
Which reminds me…